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It could be as simple as a shared passion, but that spark is what’s going to get you face-to-face with someone.
Notice we didn’t say, “a connection,” because these things can’t be engineered (despite the advice of an industry of dating advice and pickup artists). You can, however, give yourself the best possible chance of a genuine connection by being generous with your personality and interests (more on that below), being playful right out of the gate, and being vulnerable when it’s appropriate.
And remember: you’re not just trying to time to meet up. Are they genuinely into you, or just responding to the attention? It’s also important not to misrepresent yourself for if (and when) you meet up with someone.
Getting past the pleasantries and straight into a real exchange is the best way to figure out if they’re interested and you should be interested. As Jack Donaghy once told Liz Lemon: Be open, confident, and positive.
I don’t want to insult our readership with this, but for the troglodytes who somehow found their way to Primer: Aziz Ansari uses the perfect app pickup line: “Going to Whole Foods. ” It’s unexpected, overtly nurturing, and signals an upper middle class socioeconomic status. By targeting everyone generally you’re targeting no one.
Internal testing at Primer indicates the personal touch works.
You need to understand that and use your messages to transmit signals that you are a respectful, responsible person who has healthy boundaries.
When you have a critical mass of message exchanges, the classic is always a winner. If you’re in a rush, scroll down for our robust 3-step formula. So it’s OK to develop a template and work from that (more on that in the formula below).